[kaeya just holds roman as he sinks into a place kaeya cannot currently reach, somewhere secret and private. kaeya can only be there for him when he returns from that dark headspace, one he's familiar with all too well. he can only hope his touch is enough - and if it isn't, that he can at least provide the metaphorical balm for the pain the place brings. because that's all this is, isn't it? they can't heal each other completely, but they can be there for support. and sometimes support is all you're asking for.
but he blinks when roman asks him again.
huh...?
he is very rarely caught off guard. as a man who thinks of all the possibilities before he acts, rarely does something happen that he does not expect. only he's stopped his precalculations with roman a long time ago and instead lived in the moment. lived in their feelings. and now it's biting him in the ass and if this weren't such a serious conversation he'd pinch him for it. how dare you!]
I- [he's immediately on the defensive, wanting to separate himself from this other guy who hurt the love of his life so badly. and also so badly not wanting them to come to the conclusion that he needs to properly talk to diluc. they've talked, it ended in disaster, and so kaeya can mark it off as 'an attempt was made.' right?] -it's different.
[how is it different how is it different how is it different
how is it different?
he could probably break from roman's hold, but he doesn't want to (damn it, why's he so in love with this guy). but the eye contact is too overwhelming, and he feels exposed in a way that is unique to roman. the true roman experience. he looks downward instead, unable to bring himself to maintain it.]
no subject
but he blinks when roman asks him again.
huh...?
he is very rarely caught off guard. as a man who thinks of all the possibilities before he acts, rarely does something happen that he does not expect. only he's stopped his precalculations with roman a long time ago and instead lived in the moment. lived in their feelings. and now it's biting him in the ass and if this weren't such a serious conversation he'd pinch him for it. how dare you!]
I- [he's immediately on the defensive, wanting to separate himself from this other guy who hurt the love of his life so badly. and also so badly not wanting them to come to the conclusion that he needs to properly talk to diluc. they've talked, it ended in disaster, and so kaeya can mark it off as 'an attempt was made.' right?] -it's different.
[how is it different how is it different how is it different
how is it different?
he could probably break from roman's hold, but he doesn't want to (damn it, why's he so in love with this guy). but the eye contact is too overwhelming, and he feels exposed in a way that is unique to roman. the true roman experience. he looks downward instead, unable to bring himself to maintain it.]
He could die. Because of me.