pararomantic | 💎 noctium

Ah... I know what you mean.

[kaeya thought about dodging the question all together. it's nearly second nature at this point, after all, to deny his feelings and redirect. but like roman, he feels the need to be honest. and well, roman surely makes being honest easier, having shown that even in his ugliest truth, roman will still be by his side.]

Perhaps we can celebrate on our own when we get back then, hm?

[dancing in their living room sounds fun. just enjoying each other's warmth and synchrony. far away from everyone and everything.

he gives a discreet look around, making sure no one else was nearby before responding.]

I ran into Diluc. Or rather- he ran into me. It went about as well as you'd expect.

[ he nods at the suggestion, swinging their hands gently as they walk. it feels almost childish to do so, but roman is being indulgent, knowing that the both of them have been denied this sort of feeling with another person due to their line of work. the idea of celebrating at home is perfect. roman has candles somewhere. they can dim the lights, make warm drinks, sway gently to music with one another.

he watches kaeya look around a moment, his own eyes watching around them to do a quick sweep as well before he hears it and.

ah. ]

So, poorly...

[ he frowns a bit, the situation at hand more than familiar considering what he and kaeya have spoken about it. ]

... Can I ask what happened?

[the swing of their hands makes him smile, feeling a sort of innocence he hasn't felt... ever, but it's nice to dream of it, to think he might have been so innocent once. but he was always a spy, a traitor, and everything ugly that went along with such roles. there's only one dumbass willing to love a guy for that ugliness, and he's standing right next to him. and kaeya will make damn certain to protect him from anything that trust entails.]

The bonfire... somehow showed all happy past and future memories. So I sat by one and watched for a while.

[he thinks back to all the memories the bonfire stirred up. he'd been so content. he could have sat there watching them all night, lost in his nostalgia.]

Diluc ran into me then and sat down too. [there's a hint of a wrinkle at his brow and a bit of a self-deprecating laugh.] Ah- I might have misstepped in sharing those memories. And it only got worse. We talked about... that night. And here I am.

[ that night. roman "oh"s softly, and he squeezes their hands together all the more, a quiet bid at giving kaeya stability. this guy has been with him since the very beginning, since their arrival aboard the station. he stays close. ]

What did he say?

[ because oh god does he know that feeling, of wanting to broach something so tender, a painful scar, only to find that you're left worse off than you were before. and does it absolutely suck? yes. he doesn't quite know what to say, mulling it over, but knowing that kaeya is here beside him, and aching enough to be so candid. ]

Kae...

[and this is where kaeya chokes up. he doesn't want to tell roman what diluc told him, wants to avoid it. besides, there were plenty of other things diluc said. does emitting some facts count as a lie? it's for roman's own good - and frankly, kaeya's as well. honestly he should end it here, shouldn't he? break up with roman and be as miserable and lonely as he deserves to be.

but he looks at roman in all his concern and love. he knows roman would never just let him be alone, both a blessing and a curse probably, and he knows he doesn't want to be alone again.

he sees their house cresting over the hill, and he hurries their step to get inside before he even responds. as he's taking off his shoes, his head down as if focusing on his shoe, he says:]

He was confused that I didn't want his forgiveness... but sought out someone else anyway.

[ wouldn't be the first time someone has made the choice that his life would be better off without him. unfortunately, kaeya is stuck. as he removes his shoes, roman drops down and starts to unlace his boots. he pulls the dagger and sheath from the heel of it with a sharp shhk sound before he kicks them off and gets back up. their house is rather nice, and roman is honestly glad to be out of the apartments.

he's glad to be with kaeya.

he slips the knife into the small of his back for now, letting his fingers tangle with kaeya's gently. he rubs a stray callus, brow drawn briefly before he reaches with his other hand to tip his face up instead of at his shoes. ]

You don't think you deserve it. Do you. His forgiveness.

Of course not, you know what I did. But he's too soft - even now, after everything. So I propositioned him until he ran away.

[he allows roman to take his hand, to make him look up at him from his bent over position (because of course kaeya chose ridiculous boots to wear to the festival which requires a lot of time to take off). he blinks, wondering if now is an inappropriate time to tell roman he's handsome.

he's never asked about the dagger. he may have commented on it, noted its beauty, but beyond that he just isn't the type to press people, much less someone he loves, for their tragic backstories. he loves roman just as he is, tragic backstory and all. after all, this man would still love him even if he were a slug. and that's a sign of a keeper if ever there was one.]

You... propositioned—Kaeya.

[ ok but he should have expected this. kaeya is and always will be kaeya, utilizing the tools at his disposal cleverly. and just like roman, one of kaeya's tools is his body, strong and lithe, tempting. he sees the mess these boots are and slowly stoops down to help him, working at ridiculous laces and clasps. ]

Maybe he's not soft.

[ he slides fingers through the laces, pulling things a little looser.

stupid slug boyfriend. ]

Hey, it worked.

[with the two of them combined, kaeya's boots are off, and he toes them off with a huff and puff. he can hear the scolding in roman's voice and refuses to acknowledge it. he's sure roman sees the ploy for what it is because he's likely done the exact same thing and is shaking his head at kaeya for the tactic. listen roman sometimes you just gotta imply you'd suck your brothers dick just to make him leave.

he pulls them up straight once the boots are off, leads them to the living room.]

He's soft all right. He'd forgive me in a heartbeat, and I can't afford for him to do that.

[ roman makes a noise, something of displeasure at the response. he doesn't take his hand back, however, letting himself be led to the living room. he flicks through his device and finds a popular music station ~~i'm bullshitting~~, tossing it onto the couch. the sound is soft enough that they can chat, but loud enough that roman can sweep kaeya into a dance.

even if he's the smaller of the two, he knows how to lead, a small smile on the corners of his lips. he sways them both, the intent to dance like old-fashioned couples do in the middle of their living rooms, the intimacy of just two people and four walls.

he thinks about speaking. is that really your choice to make?

he won't say that, not right now. for now, he'll let kaeya feel his feelings, because that in and of itself is important. that he's telling him this. he doesn't want to chase him off with the prospect of some sort of verbal attack.

it's because he loves you. it's because that's what love is. to never give up on someone. forgiveness is hard to accept but... someday it will come to you. ]

That so...? [ this is a discussion for after the dust has settled, for when the smell of bonfire smoke has died just a bit on the air. ] ... Then you're gonna dance with me to make up for skipping out early, right?

[kaeya immediately clambers for the out that roman has so graciously offered, no longer really wanting to talk about it anymore (as if he ever wants to talk about it, it's just that life has a sense of humor and seems intent on making kaeya in various degrees of discomfort.)

kaeya lets roman take the lead, feeling too exhausted to fight or act the part either way. he just wants to be whisked away by his lover, held in his embrace, patted on the head and told that everything will be all right. he wants to forget that diluc and he every had that conversation, full of bitterness and hurt and pain and sacrifices.

he rests his head on roman's shoulder, burying his face in roman's neck. the music is nice, their home together cozy. kaeya never thought he'd end up here, living in domestic bliss. and surely they will be torn apart by the merciless gods one day, but kaeya will cling to every moment he has with roman. treasure it. savor it. because he knows when he'll get this opportunity again.

haha. probably never.]

[ kaeya's face in his neck is... perfect and precisely what he wants. he sways with him happily, his eyes shutting and his body sinking into his. he's never felt at home anywhere save when he was younger and now? well... this sure does feel like home even if it's worlds away. he knows that there are things that must be addressed, but for now, he knows that kaeya is too raw to consider anything at the moment.

he turns his head, kissing the lobe of his ear softly. ]

You're a pretty good dancer...

[ he squeezes very gently, turns to nose into his cheek, curling fingers into his clothes. ]

I could do this all night.

Hm, I bet you say that to everyone you dance with.

[he's feeling much better at least. it's been a roller coaster of a festival, what with the fun laughter of the dancing, the colorful fight that he didn't partake in but viewed from the sidelines, the nostalgic evening by the bonfire... and then diluc. ever the pain in kaeya's ass, probably as much as kaeya is annoying to diluc.

he wants to forget, and it's so easy like this, swaying gently to the music and following roman's lead. he doesn't have to think, doesn't have to remember. he just has to hold onto the man he loves and... dance.]

[ roman doesn't expect him to be 100%, but he can feel that he's perking up just a little bit. he presses his cheek to his gently, arm slung around him as he dances with him. the fact that kaeya holds onto him with such warmth, holding him like an anchor... well, it says enough.

he hums in the way that maybe says he's thinking befor he leans in and kisses, ceasing their swaying and just making sure he sets him aground. steady. when he pulls away, he looks him in the eye. ]

Sure, but I don't usually mean it.

[ his eyes flit downwards now, lashes stark, white blonde like his hair. ]

[of course, because roman and kaeya don't lie to each other, so he's telling the truth and it draws a chuckle from kaeya. the music is still playing in the background, a soft backdrop to their equally soft moment. something seems to shift, though, almost imperceptible given how they can both be.

ah, roman is so very, very beautiful. he brushes his bangs to the side - they fall back in place. there's something meaningful about that, but kaeya's too focused on roman to ponder about it.]

What are you thinking about?

Just you...

[ he leans his head gently into kaeya's palm, turning to kiss it briefly before turning back. it's not a lie, nor omission. roman finds the words stumble out before he can even contemplate hiding how he feels.

he's worried too. he's really worried. he hates that kaeya is hurting, wishes he could grasp onto it and squeeze it warmly. instead, he's here in his arms, which... it's the best he can do. ]

Only you. How happy I am...

[kaeya smiles, full of love and adoration for this man. he may be hurting, yes, but it's a hurt that can be scabbed over. kaeya, at least in his mind, can move on. or at least forget for a while as he lives in this strange little pocket universe he's found himself in, spending all his time with the strange little man he's found himself in love with.

he kisses roman's head, holding him close.]

I love you so much. I'm glad you somehow tolerate me. [a little laugh as the music continues to play around them, as they just kinda stand there in their living room, curled in each other's embrace.

kaeya wouldn't have it any other way.]

💎 noctium — ic contact

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