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[pararomantic]

ROMAN REED UN: ROMANHOLIDAY I'm busy, leave a message. text / audio / video / action

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[bodyoftheseus]

[ the waiting sucked but v knew that all he needed to do was just make it until roman was there. when roman knocked v opened the door quickly as if he had been sitting on the couch waiting (which is what he had been doing) for roman to arrive. he looked miserable. he hadn't been sleeping right, he probably could use some food, he needed another hit that he wasn't taking for whatever reason. it was probably the soberest he'd been since they'd met.

v said nothing as he abandoned the door so that roman could enter and retreated back to the couch, sitting and leaning forward to rest his head in his hands with his elbows on his knees. the way v gripped his hair betrayed just how upset he was no matter how steady his voice may be, no matter how controlled his tone was. ]

He's gone, Roman. Kerry's gone.

[ those knuckles tangled in his hair tightened for a moment before he let go and leaned back a little - just so that his head wasn't resting in his hands and he could look at roman. his eyes had the shine of tears building and wanting to spill. ]

Am I just... Not enough? For anyone?

[pararomantic]

V? Hey... hey I've got you...

[ he's heard of kerry in passing, probably saw him when he was coming or going, but didn't know him very much if at all. as v grips his hair, he moves over to sit down with him, knowing that this is... a far cry from how he could have acted up—ignoring, hiding, trying to cope on his own.

slowly, he takes his hands, thumbs pressing into his palms as he frowns. ]

This has nothing to do with "being enough." You're enough, okay, V? Did he... this place took him back?

[ he's not sure what definition of "left" v is talking about, so he leans towards the one that tends to befall the greater population of gembonded. ]

[bodyoftheseus]

[ when roman took his hands his immediate reaction was to start to pull away from him but he forced himself to stop, to let roman hold his hands and press his thumbs into his palms. his hands relaxed in roman's grip, fingers curling until the tips of his ring fingers gently rested on roman's thumbs.

there was always some level of melancholy when it came to v even under all of his other feelings - some unchecked depression that was poorly managed - but now it was as if all of that had surfaced. the lifetime of disappointment and loneliness and pain and rage and loss finally breaking past the floodgates. it was no wonder he'd always self-medicated.

he couldn't bring himself to look up at roman yet so his gaze focused on their hands. he could feel tears building in his eyes but he tried so hard not to let them fall. ]

I-I don't know. He's not here, he's not on the network, I can't... I... I can't reach him...

[ his hands were starting to shake as he tried to keep himself together. in addition, like some horrible positive feedback loop, he could feel this horrible guilt starting to claw its way up the back of his throat. is this what the kerry he left behind had to go through when he left? was he okay? ]

How can I be enough? Nobody ever stays. Nobody. Not even the man I lo-

[ his voice broke with a choked sob that he was trying hard to keep back. v knew that he wasn't vince but some stupid, foolish, idiotic part of of himself thought that maybe, maybe, he'd be enough anyway. he wasn't, of course. he should have known this would happen eventually. ]